Tuning in to Touch

 Our year-old smooth-haired fox terrier, Harry, likes to snuggle on a lap when he is not tearing around getting into trouble.  I think he likes to feel his “assistants” are close by while he snoozes.  He revels in ear and nose massages, groaning in satisfaction.  The sense of touch is a key element of awareness in humans and other animals.  We usually can recognize living versus non-living immediately upon touching something, even when we cannot see, hear, smell or taste the subject.  Warmth and movement affirm the presence of life.

Being touched in a positive way has profound effects on humans and animals. For example cats purr, dogs groan, humans sense connection, reassurance and even love.  The laying on of hands is sometimes incorporated into spiritual healing practices, with amazingly successful results.  Sexual touching results in well-documented physical and emotional responses.

Some cultures promote cheek bussing, some favor handshakes to include a person in one’s personal circle.  I tend to be a “hugger,” and am perfectly comfortable hugging people I don’t know particularly well.  For me, a hug says something like “We’re on this planet together.  I’m glad you’re here.”  It is not a formal gesture, not a sexual gesture, not an affected gesture; it’s instinctive and it’s genuine.  If I don’t feel it at that moment, then no hug.

Children naturally seem to sense the importance of touch.  Little tots often express trust and friendship by snuggling up or holding hands.  Hugging someone special is one of a baby’s first demonstrations of affection.

There are always exceptions. A touch can be threatening to a person with a sensory disorder.  We have a grandson who has never responded to loving touches easily.  Sometimes he gives hugs that seem a little extreme and a little experimental, as if he’s trying to do something slightly unnatural and uncomfortable for him. Even so, he wants to be reassured that you want to hug him. Abused persons are also among those who may not respond positively to touch.

I believe we are least aware of the importance of our sense of touch. Touch is registered by the largest sensory organ in our body, the skin, and yet less is written or spoken about it than the other senses, and its effects are often overlooked. I plan to tune in to my touch experiences, and to celebrate the positive effects they have on my being. 

 

Marching Saints

Last week I heard an English professor elaborate on Frederick Buechner’s definition of a saint.

"A saint," according to Buechner, "is a life-giver. A saint is a human being with the same hang-ups and dark secrets and abysses as the rest of us. But if a saint touches your life, you come alive in a new way."

The interesting thing is that all of us have brushed up against saints in our own lives, people that inspired and encouraged us, perhaps even enabled us to do better and be better. If saints aren’t different and better than we are, then we each have the capacity to be saintly on any given day.

Because I associate the word saint with religiosity, piety,and sanctimonious behavior, it makes me slightly uncomfortable. We already have too many holier-than-thou individuals who publicly flaunt their righteousness.

Still, the definition life-givers touched my imagination. I began to take an inventory of people in my experience who clearly gave life to others. My first thought was a friend who started a program to educate girls in far away Nepal (boys are part of the program now too) ten years ago. I viewed this person as a real life “saint” before I read Beuchner’s definition, but he would never accept that mantle because he genuinely believes in doing what is possible to help people because they are part of the family of man. Then I thought of a free-thinking minister I was fortunate to know, a man who had a great mind and built a large congregation that he inspired to think and imagine and become. He would certainly meet Buechner’s criteria for sainthood.

Next I asked my husband to share the life givers in his experience, and his first answer was, “My parents.” Wow, I loved that answer! I immediately had two more people to add to my own list. As an abandoned infant, raised by maternal grandparents whom I always called my parents, I was blessed with life-giving in its purest form. It was becoming clear to me that saints are all over the place, and that it is always possible to become a part of the process of touching lives in a positive, life-giving way.

It seems that you don’t have to undergo a great conversion or change the lives of multitudes to qualify for membership in the ranks of the marching saints on any day. It’s really much simpler than that. You can help a child learn to read, listen to the stories of an elderly friend, prepare warm soup for an ailing neighbor. These small gestures are life-giving actions, and the immediate payback is richer, more satisfying living. 

The Power of One

A piece in the New York Times on Sunday by Susan Cain suggests that we may be suffering from an overdose of “Groupthink,” and I think she has it right. Education, religion and business are currently all convinced that cooperation and collaboration are the quickest ways to creatively problem-solve and arrive at new insights. However, Cain states “people are more creative when they enjoy privacy and freedom from interruption.” As a writer and a painter, I heartily agree. I cannot write or paint successfully without chunks of uninterrupted time. And I can’t begin either kind of endeavor without privacy. I need time with myself to get underway.

It occurs to me that in this age of personal technology it is harder and harder to get uninterrupted time alone. With cell phones and tablets, laptops and emails, GPS and Bluetooth, and those comfy old dinosaurs, radio and television, we are seldom, if ever, alone. People are connected while walking, running, driving, biking, sailing, boating, fishing and just plain being. We are NEVER alone. Unless we turn everything external off, and start looking, listening, touching, smelling, tasting, and feeling our own experiences internally.

Original ideas are possible for everyone, but the creative process involves responding to stimuli with new ideas, incubating the ideas, testing and then expressing the ideas. With so much technological interruption at younger and younger ages, could it be possible that eventually our children and grandchildren may never even experience existence firsthand? I think we need to re- introduce the creative process of interpreting personal sensory stimuli, forming original concepts, incubating and testing new concepts, and expressing them.

As an art education professor, I taught cooperative learning to classroom teachers, and I still believe this teaching strategy is effective for certain kinds of learners. However, I observed that in my own studio art classes at the high school level, students were silent when they were engaged in a creative process. It is simply not possible to cross over to a right-brained activity when one is chatting and interacting with others.

Everyone needs to feel a sense of connection with other human beings, and groups can be stimulating, reassuring and fun. But solitary time is important too, for learning and imagining and creating what comes next.