How You Are

Children learn by imitation. Babies begin by imitating sounds, and later they imitate phrases like the expletives adults release when something drastic happens.
Once one of our daughters and her best friend scrawled "Mrs. Smith (name changed to protect everybody!) is a P-i-t-c-h." across a playground wall. They were in the first grade, and did not even know what the word they were trying for meant, but they had heard it somewhere (definitely not at home!) and thought they were being hilarious. And, because they got it wrong, it was kind of funny, unless you were Mrs. Smith!
In addition to sounds, children learn from what they see, and they are keen observers. If you tell a child to be polite, they may not pay any attention, but if you demonstrate politeness they will learn, eventually. I heard Michael Lewis, who has written a new book called Home Game: An Accidental Guide to Fathering (http://tinyurl.com/mlb7ab,) speaking on The Daily Show recently, and he said that what children remember about their parents is how they are, not what they are.
I think that all of our daughters enjoy making art as adults because they grew up watching parents who made art and seemed to enjoy it. They all enjoy reading , and they like to cook too. Our grandsons love sports , because their dad is passionate about sports.
Attitudes are also important. Children who grow up around adults who demonstrate prejudice and defiance will usually have similar perspectives. That is why it takes generations to move beyond the effects of civil strife and abusive governments.
Coping mechanisms are another opportunity for parents to teach by example. Children watch you deal with life’s challenges and learn how to handle a crisis. What do you do when the going gets tough?
If you want to influence the children in your life, pay attention to “how you are,” and make the necessary adjustments in yourself.