Granny Nanny Times

Marching Saints

2012-01-23T13:11:00.000-05:00

Last week I heard an English professor elaborate on Frederick Buechner’s definition of a saint.

"A saint," according to Buechner, "is a life-giver. A saint is a human being with the same hang-ups and dark secrets and abysses as the rest of us. But if a saint touches your life, you come alive in a new way."

The interesting thing is that all of us have brushed up against saints in our own lives, people that inspired and encouraged us, perhaps even enabled us to do better and be better. If saints aren’t different and better than we are, then we each have the capacity to be saintly on any given day.

Because I associate the word saint with religiosity, piety,and sanctimonious behavior, it makes me slightly uncomfortable. We already have too many holier-than-thou individuals who publicly flaunt their righteousness.

Still, the definition life-givers touched my imagination. I began to take an inventory of people in my experience who clearly gave life to others. My first thought was a friend who started a program to educate girls in far away Nepal (boys are part of the program now too) ten years ago. I viewed this person as a real life “saint” before I read Beuchner’s definition, but he would never accept that mantle because he genuinely believes in doing what is possible to help people because they are part of the family of man. Then I thought of a free-thinking minister I was fortunate to know, a man who had a great mind and built a large congregation that he inspired to think and imagine and become. He would certainly meet Buechner’s criteria for sainthood.

Next I asked my husband to share the life givers in his experience, and his first answer was, “My parents.” Wow, I loved that answer! I immediately had two more people to add to my own list. As an abandoned infant, raised by maternal grandparents whom I always called my parents, I was blessed with life-giving in its purest form. It was becoming clear to me that saints are all over the place, and that it is always possible to become a part of the process of touching lives in a positive, life-giving way.

It seems that you don’t have to undergo a great conversion or change the lives of multitudes to qualify for membership in the ranks of the marching saints on any day. It’s really much simpler than that. You can help a child learn to read, listen to the stories of an elderly friend, prepare warm soup for an ailing neighbor. These small gestures are life-giving actions, and the immediate payback is richer, more satisfying living.

The Power of One

2012-01-18T12:21:00.000-05:00

A piece in the New York Times on Sunday by Susan Cain suggests that we may be suffering from an overdose of “Groupthink,” and I think she has it right. Education, religion and business are currently all convinced that cooperation and collaboration are the quickest ways to creatively problem-solve and arrive at new insights. However, Cain states “people are more creative when they enjoy privacy and freedom from interruption.” As a writer and a painter, I heartily agree. I cannot write or paint successfully without chunks of uninterrupted time. And I can’t begin either kind of endeavor without privacy. I need time with myself to get underway.

It occurs to me that in this age of personal technology it is harder and harder to get uninterrupted time alone. With cell phones and tablets, laptops and emails, GPS and Bluetooth, and those comfy old dinosaurs, radio and television, we are seldom, if ever, alone. People are connected while walking, running, driving, biking, sailing, boating, fishing and just plain being. We are NEVER alone. Unless we turn everything external off, and start looking, listening, touching, smelling, tasting, and feeling our own experiences internally.

Original ideas are possible for everyone, but the creative process involves responding to stimuli with new ideas, incubating the ideas, testing and then expressing the ideas. With so much technological interruption at younger and younger ages, could it be possible that eventually our children and grandchildren may never even experience existence firsthand? I think we need to re- introduce the creative process of interpreting personal sensory stimuli, forming original concepts, incubating and testing new concepts, and expressing them.

As an art education professor, I taught cooperative learning to classroom teachers, and I still believe this teaching strategy is effective for certain kinds of learners. However, I observed that in my own studio art classes at the high school level, students were silent when they were engaged in a creative process. It is simply not possible to cross over to a right-brained activity when one is chatting and interacting with others.

Everyone needs to feel a sense of connection with other human beings, and groups can be stimulating, reassuring and fun. But solitary time is important too, for learning and imagining and creating what comes next.

Honor and Remembrance

2012-01-16T21:25:00.006-05:00

For me, Martin Luther King Day is a time for honor and remembrance. I am especially privileged to remember hearing Dr. King speak at Albion College in 1963, during my undergraduate years. In 1964, Time magazine named King Man of the Year, and that same year he became the youngest recipient ever of the Nobel Peace prize. At the time I was attending student civil rights rallies held around bonfires where we held hands and fervently sang "We shall overcome." Some of my friends even travelled to Selma to participate in the marches. It was a time when we still believed change could happen, and that with our help, it could happen quickly.

Although I grew up in a small Midwestern town where there were less than a half dozen African American students , and attended a small Midwestern liberal arts college where there were not many more, civil rights made perfect sense to me. I attribute my enlightened and confident attitude to my father, a small town physician who agreed with me that one’s value as a person, and one’s intellectual capacity could not possibly be diminished or enhanced by one’s skin color. As chairman of the county Medical Society, my father extended an invitation to a Christmas open house in our home to a black physician and his wife. It was the ‘’talk of the town,” because, at that time, it was unusual for a Negro, even a professional one, to be included in a social gathering. I was a little girl of about seven or eight, and I was charmed by the black doctor’s glamorous wife, who wore her hair in a stylish bun tucked under a large, black picture hat. She told me that their daughter was a concert pianist, a fact that inspired me to practice my own piano lessons harder. Children are so impressed by the attitudes and actions of adults, especially adults they admire.

Watching a film of the recent dedication of the King Memorial in Washington, D.C., I found comfort in the thought that huge changes can take place in the span of a single lifetime. Today our country is being served by its first black president, and no one would dare to challenge his qualifications because of his skin color. Still there is still plenty of covert prejudice in our society, not only for blacks, but also for Hispanics, Muslims, gays and lesbians, and even for women.

In its youth, each generation believes that change for the positive is possible, and that, with a little help, it can come swiftly. Older adults must encourage young people, offer support and provide examples by their actions. Then, in time, they too will be able to look back with honor and remembrance.

How You Are

2009-06-15T15:08:00.003-04:00

Children learn by imitation. Babies begin by imitating sounds, and later they imitate phrases like the expletives adults release when something drastic happens.
Once one of our daughters and her best friend scrawled "Mrs. Smith (name changed to protect everybody!) is a P-i-t-c-h." across a playground wall. They were in the first grade, and did not even know what the word they were trying for meant, but they had heard it somewhere (definitely not at home!) and thought they were being hilarious. And, because they got it wrong, it was kind of funny, unless you were Mrs. Smith!
In addition to sounds, children learn from what they see, and they are keen observers. If you tell a child to be polite, they may not pay any attention, but if you demonstrate politeness they will learn, eventually. I heard Michael Lewis, who has written a new book called Home Game: An Accidental Guide to Fathering (http://tinyurl.com/mlb7ab,) speaking on The Daily Show recently, and he said that what children remember about their parents is how they are, not what they are.
I think that all of our daughters enjoy making art as adults because they grew up watching parents who made art and seemed to enjoy it. They all enjoy reading , and they like to cook too. Our grandsons love sports , because their dad is passionate about sports.
Attitudes are also important. Children who grow up around adults who demonstrate prejudice and defiance will usually have similar perspectives. That is why it takes generations to move beyond the effects of civil strife and abusive governments.
Coping mechanisms are another opportunity for parents to teach by example. Children watch you deal with life’s challenges and learn how to handle a crisis. What do you do when the going gets tough?
If you want to influence the children in your life, pay attention to “how you are,” and make the necessary adjustments in yourself.

Technological Magic

2009-03-14T17:23:00.004-04:00

Okay, this blog idea is time consuming, and even during the month of February while we were absolutely snowed in, life remained remarkably busy, as I kept writing my feature articles for the Holland Sentinel and neglecting my blog. Blogging takes self discipline, something I always need to work on. It should have been at the top of my New Year's resolution list, but I neglected that list too. Bad girl!

We have developed a new favorite pastime during the blog hiatus, though. It’s called Skyping with grandchildren, and it makes even the darkest day brighten up and smile. If you haven’t tried this incredible technological development, it is definitely easy to master, and not to be missed. You simply dial up other Skype members, and they open their computers (you both must have an operative web camera,) and BINGO − there they are to chat with you. With grandchildren this is a magical gift, because your grandchildren can see you, and they begin to recognize you and do adorable things like clap their hands, or smile widely, or enunciate syllables like Na-Na (our grandchildren are mostly babies.) It’s irresistible for everyone involved!

The other more subtle feature of these exchanges is that you get to see your darlings in their own familiar surroundings, doing familiar things like eating breakfast (because we have a 3 hour time zone difference with some of the babies,) and facing life’s little trials like runny noses and sleepiness. You also get to share with your own dear children their everyday thoughts, hopes, dreams and challenges as they grow into parenthood. It is an amazingly successful means of communicating in a natural, unscripted way.

There are so many available means to communicate now that it often seems we are all victims of information overload. The open and seemingly unlimited access allows unsolicited E-mails, phone messages on land lines and cell phones, text messages, unsolicited faxes, and even U-Tube exposures of a wide range of intimacies about people we hardly know or do not know at all. It can be overwhelming. Skyping with grandchildren is a refreshing antidote to all of this, and makes the wonder of technology outweigh the nuisance and seem worth it after all.

Create A Happy Past

2009-01-09T17:38:00.002-05:00

Happy New Year!
Yes, it’s true that I let myself be swept away by the holidays, and have neglected my blog for the past month, but it was worth it, creating and celebrating and enjoying friends and family. I made cookies and candy and Christmas bread, knit girlie hats for my two new girl grandbabies, decorated our home for Christmas, designed and created , printed and mailed a Christmas newsletter, ordered and shopped , wrapped and shipped Christmas presents, hummed carols and attended advent church services with my husband, John, and celebrated the season with friends before driving 1200 miles to celebrate with two of our three daughters and their families.
I am sorry that our third daughter’s family could not be part our gathering this year; travel with three babies ages 2, 3 and 4 mos. is nearly impossible. Still we thought of them with love, and sympathized with the memorable holiday they were experiencing far away: their family was stricken with a flu bug that tore through their holidays. My family has suffered at least two holidays like that, and they are definitely memorable, but not in a good way.
The season of faith and hope and love and joy celebrates qualities that are especially important in this year full of uncertainties. As time passes (read I grow older) I realize more than ever that one needs to live in the moment. I try to let myself enjoy it, savor it, because in each minute I am creating my past. I’ve never been good at committing words that I love to memory, but I remember quite a few Paul Simon lyrics. One that I actually carry around so that it’s handy is “Preserve your memories, they’re all that’s left you.” Now my daughters accuse me of having “selective memory,” because I automatically delete bad stuff that happens, but that’s what works for me. I try not to let unhappy times crowd out the wonderful days I’ve had on the face of the earth. For me, time spent with the next generations is always precious time, time to share and enjoy and celebrate.
So happy new year to you. May you create many happy memories, a wonderful past.

Giving Thanks

2008-11-24T17:04:00.002-05:00

On Thanksgiving Day you’re supposed to give thanks instead of presents. Giving thanks is really more challenging than giving presents, because it involves looking inward, and in many cases the attitude of gratitude may not be visible to anyone else. In a year of unprecedented economic upheaval, an inventory of quiet inner blessings may be the perfect antidote to the fear, anger and blame about lost fortunes and an uncertain future.

Here are some ideas for outwardly expressing appreciation:

Write thank you notes on Thanksgiving Day to anyone whom you would like to thank for anything at all. Handwritten notes are a treat to receive in this day of computerized communication, and an unexpected thank you multiplies the effect .
Decorate your table with natural weeds or squash or gourds or leaves that you have collected on a fall walk. I thought of this one before being buried under an unexpected foot of snow in November! Noticing natural beauty is a simple way of being grateful.
Have each person around the table on Thanksgiving Day express thanks for one thing they are personally thankful for. This sharing of thanks is inspiring, and can be more meaningful than listening to one person say grace.
Invite someone who is in need of friendship or support to share your table.
Call your family members who are unable to be with you at your Thanksgiving table. Everyone appreciates being remembered on a special day, and a simple phone call and holiday greeting will nearly always produce a smile and warm feelings.

You may be thinking that these suggestions are too obvious and too simple, but often the obvious is exactly what we overlook. And the most meaningful thankfulness of all still resides in our hearts when we take a quiet moment to reflect on the positive things in our lives.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Brand New

2008-11-16T23:07:00.000-05:00

Brand New

The first hours and days of a baby’s life are so memorable for parents, brothers and sisters and grandparents. Our 7th grandchild, and 5th grandson, arrived on Sunday morning, November 9, at 7:47 a.m. He decided to arrive a bit early (his due date was December 16th,) but we were all ready to welcome him , and his mom was a little bit tired of bed rest, so he decided to get the sands moving through the hourglass of his time on the face of the earth. Benjamin weighed 5 lbs. 13 ounces at birth, and he is 19 inches long. Although tiny, he is perfectly shaped, and has good color. He seems to be able to suckle, although he is not strong enough yet to pull effectively, so Pirrie is pumping after each feeding to stimulate the milk production, and help him grow.
This is our 3rd grandchild to be born in 2008, and it is always a MIRACLE. How perfectly each little hb (human being) is formed, and how efficiently each one operates. Taking those first breaths of oxygen, sipping those first drops of sustenance from the mother, all the while multiplying cells at a jet propulsion rate, it is so magnificent that we are overwhelmed with wonder every single time. How amazing that the complexity of living makes us nearly unaware of the mystery in the simple details of being alive: breathing, eating, eliminating what is not needed. Do you hear your heart beating? MARVELOUS!
Today I found myself reviewing with my 7-year-old grandson how the amount of milk produced by a mother adjusts to fit the needs of her baby. When the baby needs more, the mother’s body figures it out and produces more. My grandson thought this was very reassuring and, come to think of it, so do I!
The birth of a baby helps me see what really matters, and appreciate the wonderful, hopeful blend of old and new in a brand new life.

The Power of Smile

2008-10-31T23:18:00.000-04:00

The power of SMILE
The first interactive signal we expect to receive from a newborn infant is a smile. When it happens, the smile receiver is delighted, and spreads the word. “She smiled at me!” The mamma brags “He smiles all of the time.” It’s one of the first milestone accomplishments, right up there with suckling and sleeping.

So we know smiles are important for babies, but we seem to forget about it when we “grow up.” I mean we know we’re supposed to smile, so we do whenever we’re facing a camera, but when we think we are not “on camera,” oh dear. . .Sit in an airport sometime and check out human faces. Our features grow longer with age, because we forget that smiling smoothes out the wrinkles and plumps up the cheeks. Smiles counteract the relentless gravity that draws our expressions ever downward. Just sneak a peek in the mirror sometime and you’ll see what I mean. A smiling face looks younger!

I told my teenaged daughters that smiles attract boys more than just about anything, because everyone feels a little better when someone smiles at them. I’m not talking about great big goofy gummy smiles, but just a little positive upturn of the mouth and the corners of eyes will do the trick. It says “You’re okay. We’re here in this spot at this moment and it’s okay with me.”

You’ll see it when someone yields for a car to pass in the grocery store parking lot, or when someone’s coming out of a door when you’re going in, or when you’re standing in a line somewhere, or when you pass a parent with a little baby, or when you see an elderly person gamely making her way up the aisle in the drug store. And, if you’re tuned in, you’ll probably smile back, acknowledging the kind look from the other human being. A smile has real power; it makes people feel better about being human beings. It makes any human face look better. It make any moment a better moment.

So I say, don’t just celebrate smiles from newborn infants. Celebrate smiles from anybody kind enough to give one, and always, always give one back.

"Quiet Time"

2008-10-24T13:14:00.000-04:00

The older I get the more I realize the value of quiet time. I mean the kind of quiet time where you are not DOING anything at all. I mean the kind of quiet time where you are not with another person, you are alone.

Some people accomplish this by meditating; others by prayer. I remember my mother used to “take a nap,” after lunch while I did. (I was raised by my maternal grandparents, so when I refer to my mother and dad, I am actually speaking about grandparents. My “mother” was 43 when I was born.) My own daughters took afternoon naps until kindergarten (age 5.) I didn’t care if they weren’t actually asleep; it was the quiet time that mattered. Some of the time they did sleep, and some of the time they did quiet things by themselves. I don’t remember anyone protesting about this “quiet time.”

When I hear mothers say a child simply will not take a nap, I wonder if they may be setting the bar too high. Maybe settling for “quiet time” would be enough, or would lead to actual sleep. And, if the child is not falling fast asleep, the rest time can always be shortened to 45 minutes or an hour.

Either way, harried moms benefit from ‘quiet time” too. Although it’s tempting to use the time for household chores, doing laundry or paying bills, mothers should insist on pampering themselves for this brief interlude.

Sip a cup of tea, read a magazine, take a bubble bath, fall asleep! No phone calls, emails, exercise routines or television. No telling yourself, ‘It’s the only time I have!’ to get something done!

Recent research suggests that during sleep we process information that we have accumulated during the day. Sleep helps us think more clearly, keeps our brains a bit more organized. I think quiet time, which may include sleep, has similar benefits.

Resumé

2008-10-22T17:10:00.000-04:00

In the beginning we were two humans and two cats, and then, we grew. After 44 years we are 14, almost 15, humans, 4 cats, and 2 dogs. My granny nanny portfolio includes 3 daughters, 3 sons-in-law, 4 (almost 5) grandsons ages 9, 7, 3, and 2, and 2 brand new granddaughters born this year in March and September.

Now that I am 2/3 of the way to 100, I've lived through some stuff. Good stuff, and, of course, bad stuff. I've got observations about this real life experience, and I've learned a lot. I'm still learning, and I expect to learn more during the rest of my time on the face of the earth. So it seems like a fun idea to open up a blog to share intergenerational ideas about home and family. In the past grannies often lived under the same roof as their children and generations overlapped naturally, right at home. Today, we are more spread out, our lives are more frenetic, and the generations don't manage to listen to each other as much. I'm inviting anyone who has questions about home and family, and would like to hear from grannies about what worked or didn't work for them, to join our extended family in the blogosphere. We can talk about cooking, cleaning, gardening, relationships, and raising happy, successful kids. Welcome to Granny Nanny Times!